Grandpa Silcox

Thursday afternoon I was taking my lunch and noticed I had a missed call from my sister. I knew my mom was out of town and that she was taking care of the kiddos, so I quickly called her back assuming she was informing me of a funny something or other that was going on at home. I wasn't ready to hear the news that my Grandpa Silcox had passed away. It took me off guard. He was a rock, I was quite certain he was going to live forever.

I have had the good fortune of not having had to deal with a lot of death in my years. I didn't really know how to handle the news that my grandfather had passed away. So many emotions. Gratitude that he went fast and mostly painless, heartbroken over the fact I won't get to see him again in this earth life, blessed to be a part of his posterity, and that is just the start. The thing about death is it causes you to search your innermost person. It makes you pause to think about life and the things that really matter.

My grandpa taught me a lot of things about life:
1. Enjoy learning. He was always current on the goings on of the world. He was a teacher and had a passion for teaching. He was always wanting to learn, and always curious about the world
2. Support your family. Grandpa always supported his family. Grandpa and grandma came together to all my plays, my soccer games, dance recitals, piano recitals, t ball games, baptism, baby blessing...he was there for everything, and always seemed pleased to be there. He didn't say much, but I knew he was glad to be there
3. Want for little and you will have a lot. Grandpa didn't care too much about fashion, or style. He lived within his means, gave his children a roof over their heads and food on the table, and he provided them the opportunity to go to college. Grandpa spent his weekends with his family, and made it a point to make relationships the most important thing in his life.
4. Persistence. Grandpa taught me to keep trying, and not give up. In his later years, he had a lot of mental challenges, but he persevered, and didn't give up on himself or those around him
5. Gratitude. Grandpa always thanked my mom for dinner, "that was a beautiful meal Beck," he would say. And if he had been invited over or to an event, before leaving he would always say "thank you" for having him.
I was so gratefu to both of our employers for allowing us the time off to be with family. Sawyer was a gem. Honestly, I didn't hear a peep out of him the whole way there and the whole way home. I think he's got it figured out that Grandma Beck's house is a fun place to be!

I got to meet up briefly with my friend and her little guy. He is one week older than Sawyer and cute as ever.
Notice uncle Landon and his braceless smile. Such a stud. All three of them.
Oh my heart. My twin sister. I love her so much. That girl is something else. She has a way of making you feel so loved. She has such a talent of talking to people. We saw so many people at the funeral, I was a little overwhelmed, but not ky. She knows how to make people feel so welcome and right at home, even the people she doesn't know, she'll walk right up to them and start a conversation. Such an amazing person that one is.
Got to visit with my dad's mom. I learned a lot through this whole funeral thing. Mostly I learned that it's so important to support each other in these hard times.
My grandpa served in the navy, it was so neat to have the military service at the graveside. I loved the flag on his coffin too! So neat.
My sisters. A sad day made a lot brighter in their presence.
And my sweet husband. What a strength he has been to me. He has given me unwavering support and took such good care of Sawyer at the viewing and funeral. My heart could burst, I love him so much.

I love this picture of my mom, my moms sister, my grandma, and my great grandma. Sawyer was dying to be with Grandma Beck (and tired of wearing his cowboy boots...I ran out of skittles).
He slept for 2 1/2 hours on our way home. He seriously is the most amazing traveler. I was so proud of him. He was so patient this weekend with all the driving and having to sit still so long at the viewing and the funeral. He is such a joy to have around. I love him so much it hurts.

The funeral was such a beautiful tribute to my grandpa. I love him. I miss him. I'm so grateful to be part of his Silcox heritage. I treasure up the memories I have with him. I always knew my grandpa loved me. Till we meet again. I love you grandpa.

This past week was a good week. Not extremely memorable by any means. But a good week. I had a little more patience, I enjoyed the monotony of the every day. I felt fulfilled in my role as mother, wife, employee, and friend. I laughed a lot, and there have been a lot of "did you see that" glances to my husband as we are constantly amazed at all that our son is learning. And tonight as my boys are asleep my heart swells with gratitude!

Some happies to share with you this week:

Sawyer discovered bubble bath. We blow bubbles all the time. He loves them. We have bubbles in the bath all the time. He hasn't really done anything with them. But this week, the light bulb went on and he figured out that bubbles are so much fun to play with in the tub! And so our bath times have been extended from 15 minutes to roughly 30 minutes as my boy cracks himself up with the bubbles. His favorite thing... Put bubbles all over, ask mom to take a picture, and then look at the picture. So funny.





And cowboy boots. We discovered cowboy boots this week. Mom loves them. Sawyer does not. It took me two skittles to get him to wear them, and two skittles to convince him to keep them on. Worth it.






Don't even get me started about his suit. With that suit on, he can get me to do just about anything he says. So Handsome. It's gonna be a good week!

My mother instilled in me the desire to aim high, to never give up on myself, and to keep trying.


I hope I can instill that in my own son.

Aim high, never give up, and keep trying. And remember, remember, I'll always love you.

Date night with my little

Friday night came and found Dixon under the weather, so I asked Sawyer if he would be my date. He was so excited. Dixon pulled him up on his lap and explained that boys are gentlemen and they pay for dinner, he then asked him if he had any money. Sawyer's eyes lit up as he told his dad, "new toy" (aka his cash register with his coins and credit card).

And so we went on a date, just me and my little two year old. When I asked him where he wanted to go on our date, he suggested the pet store and "old McDonalds" for some French fries.

I love watching my son in a pet store. He is so curious about everything and runs from one animal to the next, keeping a close eye on me to make sure I'm seeing what he's seeing. And yes, I see those animals too, but mostly I see the curious two year old that is my son and I miss him. Its like I realize all at once that these moments are just that. Moments. And before I know it he'll be letting go of my hand and for a brief second I already miss him. Isn't it funny how our mama hearts do that?



We opted for Wendy's instead of "Old McDonald's.". I like their half apple pecan chicken salad. We went inside and ate, because it was a date, and my boy was beside himself. To top off the night, during our dinner, an ambulance came and parked right outside our window. My boy was in Heaven. French fries and ambulances, what more could you want?





Oh my sweet boy, how I love dates with you. I hope you are never too old to go on dates with your mama. On our way home he said "fun on date mom." "sawyer's happy, mom" "mama's happy?"

Yes sawyer. Mama is so happy to be your date.

After i brought him home and tucked him in, i went to a park so i could be alone to do some thinking and some soul-searching. Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so disappointed in myself when I act out of frustration and have a short fuse. Lately I feel like that fuse has gotten shorter and shorter and with it, I am harder and harder on myself. It is by far the most mentally challenging thing I have ever done, trying to remain positive with myself and trust my motherly instincts is exhausting.

But oh how I love it. I love him with everything that I have. Always will.

This date was just what I needed. I think he needed it just as much as I did. Can't wait for our next date!

You know that feeling when your goals are just barely out of reach?
Ya it's been one of those weeks for me.

And literally one of those weeks for Sawyer!

Almost two months have gone by since my last post. I've been in a little bit of a funk. I feel like life is speeding by too quickly and I just don't have enough words to explain how I'm feeling, so instead of attempt to blog, I don't. You know those days where you just need something to inspire you? A new decoration, a trip your looking forward to, or something delicious your wanting to cook? I've been needing something to inspire me. And this Saturday I got just that.

We went to a place called Gilcrease Orchards. Oh my lanta, an orchard in Vegas that's only 7 minutes from my house. Why have I never heard about it before??? We picked fresh carrots, beats, kale, and sugar snap peas. Sawyer drove his cars through the dirt, and my heart has been so happy. I tossed those veggies in some olive oil, sprinkled them with some sea salt and roasted them in the oven for 20 minutes. So good. Like I'm going back on Tuesday when their open again good.














I've been thinking a lot about life lately. How you have a plan and you totally have in your head exactly how you want your life to go... But it doesn't go that way at all. Infact, it goes completely in the opposite direction, and your going "wait this isn't part of the plan." I love that Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself and that he has a plan for me and my little family.

I'm grateful he doesn't stick to my plan because his is exactly what I need to be better and to stretch myself.

So I'm enjoying the little things. Sawyer saying "bye poops" when he flushes the potty (makes me laugh every time), a cool breeze on a warm spring day, friends that chat like they have all the time in the world to talk to you, a husband who makes the bed just because he knows it makes me happy, a diet coke with extra ice to accompany my park dates with Sawyer, and a great book that keeps me up until 2 am. So grateful these little things are in my life.

So grateful they are my extraordinary moments in the ordinary day.

It's been awhile. I can't say I have a good excuse. I don't. I have just been soaking in my little two year old. I find myself loving motherhood... All of it. I have loved every age for different reasons, but two, two has been magical. He is his own little person. He can count to three. He has been going on the big boy potty and has to read ESPN magazine when he's doing his business



(Sit them facing backwards, fits their little bum better and if they spray, they spray the seat not the floor.) we have a points system: m&ms for number 1, a hot wheels car for number 2. So far he's earned 4 cars and lots of m&ms (lovingly pronounced as nummynums). I have to stop myself and can't believe he's old enough to sit on the potty. He knows all his colors and knows how to count to three. And he carries on conversations with me. He's my buddy. I love spending my days with him.

He loves basketball, he loves when I set his hoop outside, he'll play with that hoop for hours. Best dollars I've ever spent.





My momma heart is full. And as we approach valentines day this week, I am so grateful to have this little love bug in my life.