mom

In lieu of Mother's Day this Sunday I have been in a reflective kind of mood. To say that I love being a mom is an understatement. I looked at Dixon the other night and said "I always knew I would love being a mom, I just didn't realize I would love it this much." There is something about waking up to the sweet cry of a little guy that needs your love as much as a flower needs the sun that makes my heart swell with gratitude. I have always thrived on change and on challenge and like to be busy, but I have become a huge fan of the ordinary. I find myself soaking up the moments of doing dishes and laundry and cleaning house, and I can stare at the sweet baby boy that is Sawyer and get lost in that moment, hoping that for once I can stop the hands of time and enjoy that moment a little longer.

We dance everyday. Sometimes we dance to me singing songs (mind you I know very few lyrics, so most of my songs are made up as we go), sometimes we dance to Justin Bieber, but most of the time we dance to giggles coming from the little five month old. Oh how we love to dance. My son has taught me that life is for dancing. As Jessie from my old favorite movie "The Babysitter's Club" said: Why walk when you can dance. And so we do... we find moments everyday to dance our worries and cares away.

I have never looked at my reflection as many times as I have the past few months. The little bear loves to see himself in that mirror and cracks himself up as he smiles and wiggles and chats with himself. It's been a while since I have looked in the mirror and have been at peace with what I see... there is always something to criticize about myself or something that I would like to change, that i often would find excuses not to look in the mirror. Now, however, I look in the mirror and I am at peace. I am doing what I have always dreamed of doing; and despite my imperfections, I smile, because I am truly happy.

Sometimes, I feel inadequate that I have been blessed with such a sweet spirit. I think I learn more from him each day than he will ever learn from me. We make each other better... and that is the love of a mother and child.

Although I am proud of his growing little self, I reminisce about when I first welcomed him into this world and we said our first hellos. The moment when our eyes first met and I knew that he knew that I was his momma. I looked down at him and whispered the words over and over "he's perfect. he's perfect. he's perfect." I kissed those swollen cheeks as tears spilled down over my cheeks and I knew that I would never be the same. I was a mom. My dream had come true.

Many people dream of the careers that they will have when they grow up, and while I had goals and dreams of becoming something extraordinary in the workfield, nothing compared to the desire i had to be a mom. I suppose it stemmed from watching my mom. As a child I watched as my joys were my mom's joys and my pain was her pain. There is a moment etched in my mind of my mom bringing home my littlest sister, Sydnee, and how excited she was to share her joy with us in welcoming this new member. I didn't understand it then, but she was so excited to become a mom. Again. after five, she was still excited to become a mom. Again. I watched as she would spend time making all of us girls look like and feel like princesses and read books to the littles as we were off doing our own thing. She loved being a mom. She still does. She always will.

I get it.

I love being a mom. How I am so blessed with this bundle of joy is a mystery to me, but I treasure up every moment.

And so this mother's day I am grateful to be associated with the word mom.

Happy mother's day to the many mothers that I know. But most importantly Happy mother's day to my mom and to my mother in law.... because without them, i would not have the opportunity to be a mother myself.